Happy New year and Drama

January

I’m that kind of person who is always on a high spirit especially now because 2018 is starting but down to two days I’m already wondering how this year will be…

It’s crazy, I know.. This year, for me… I’ve planned a few things on my plate to make things happen.

Since this is the first of first for this year here on wordpress, I want to write on how I’m starting off the month and hopefully how it’ll end.

Big girls don’t cry

My life this month, has had a mixture of good and bad. Spiritual highs and low. Heart breaks and yearnings. I have come to learn to be strong in The Lord and in His might.

Learnt to stop crying myself to sleep because of a disaster that occurred. I have learned the science of building myself up on my most holy Faith.

It’s as though, I was being awaited for by someone to devour my joy and the zeal of starting a new year clean.

I’m learning to hold back and not putting my trust in man. Looking to my God. His never failed me. He who answers.

Who is this man, who I called “my spiritual father, a mentor”

I planned to have a relaxing small cut off away from everyone before the month of January ends and I thought why not visit the ocean side of the country. My destination was ready and off I went only to come back wretched.

I called up my “mentor” and this he was pleased to let me stay with him for my three day stay. As soon as I arrived in his home. All was fair and balanced, His son was in school and there I was being showed around on what’s where and where I will lay. I was aided a glass of cold water to quench the heat. The journey was long. I was shown where I should shower. And have a change of clothes. Soon to be the place where I shuddered. I went inside took a cozy bath. As soon as I came out, my bedroom door flew open. And a man “I did not know” stood there.

This man who I called my dad, came in. For a second I froze. He came so close to me and before I could say a word. Pulled my towel off of my body. I knew no one in this area. No one. My screams were but a whisper to his ears. My abstinence were like a baby’s resistance to mommy’s food.

That’s my January, I was shaking all my stay. Only when I left did I feel safe. I didn’t understand why I bothered to stay the rest of the days. Though I couldn’t at the time get out because I was in a state of confusion. I know it is soon to say I forgave him. But my heart cried I loved him, He is my dad. My spirit continues to tell me otherwise. I was assaulted by a man whom I trusted. Who I claimed to love as my very own parent. But he was something in disguise.

I am happy but bitter that my year chose to start out this way. God has assured me. His presence has been with and by me. I can tell you, this year is going to be all kinds of powerful. I can already see purpose in the midst of this turmoiled beginning.

Oh January, What a final way to end and start again with the promise of The Holy ghost.

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I am half my mother;half my father

Am I really half them? Well, not scientifically half.. but am I really?

They have flaws so many unnumbered

I dont think my ancestors would be pleased

There is alot I want to disconnect from

No, I am uniquely made to posses the characters of one God and that is Christ.

My mother

One thing I am very sure of and have seen in her many traits is her generosity to anyone, she cares too much but with all these, she can not withstand intolerant behavior and many other vices. I have had a privilege of working along side her and I can attest, so do many. I have acquired many of her virtues. Business wise. She can get from 0-100 in a minute, if she is stressed. But, I am glad she gave birth to me. What a priceless gift I dearly cannot pay for. She chose to keep me, how sweet just drafting this message makes me feel.

Though for now I want to state this because I know words are powerful.There are things that I see and I am not pleased, many also can state a few from their own stories.

My father

Where should I start, he is a very thankful man. With few to no words when calm. Though at times he can be a pain. I have few words for him.

I am but thankful for their support, love and moral upbringing.

Sometimes when you learn the truth concerning your bloodline you choose to set yourself free from its snares. This is something I am doing because I see myself and then look at them (my parents) and the life they are portraying, stories heard from their parents and I wouldn’t want an inch of mine to look like theirs. Why?

I need to remind myself where I am from (my past) and where I am going (my future) so that I may get the motivation to move forward, to stay more in Christ, because He is my definition. It may seem so little to someone else. To me this is a stepping stone to the next chapter.

To sum everything up,

I am not the things my family did,
I am not the voices outside,
I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside..

I AM LIGHT.

I am not the mistakes that I have made,
or any of the things that caused me pain,
I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind..

I AM LIGHT.

I am not the color of my eyes,
I am not the skin on the outside,
I am not my age, I am not my race,
my soul inside is all Light..

ALL LIGHT.

I am Divinity defined,
“I am holy on the inside; for He is holy”
I am a star, a piece of it all..

I AM LIGHT.

But who is The light, but The Christ, who is, who was and is to come.

Messages from African cultured homes.

My year through – 2017

I started out the year quite eager, motivated (in Christ) but down to April, I stumbled.

Recap

There are times you get to feeling you have stood the storm and finally getting all proud that you manouvered your way through but then a wind that you sensed not overtakes you and you end up wrecked more than you ever imagined.

This does not call for you to feel overwhelmed or to give up or be too hard on yourself. I fell short of God’s glory but the important thing is, I recognized what I had done and confessed whole heartedly that I had sinned and I needed Christ Jesus to forgive me and cleanse me.

Back on track.. My heart, my mind were just so ashamed leave alone my body because it’s desire was fulfilled. I couldn’t take it. I got back on my feet and by May I was vibrant. I had started out helping at a local organization and this just made my days less burdensome. Up until July, things were alright.

Let me just take this time to acknowledge that without God this year, I wouldn’t be here! He has kept me safe, sheltered me. I am so glad that I grew in knowledge, experience and spirit.

August, September and October, were months were I needed growth, restoration and just God’s presence. I have been full of myself and I just needed God to rid all this out. I learned.

November, I met amazing people. Some changed my life and some became hobbies. 😂😂 I have nothing else but love for you all. You pushed me to limits I didn’t know I could reach.

December, I am still not done. God is working and by the end of this year, I will receive from God my dues.

Writing on my 2017, I look forward to starting a new in 2018. Getting acts right. Living more of a God fearing life. Righteous and Holy to the standards of God. Looking not to the right or left but upon my Lord and God, Jesus Christ. Cause, Isn’t it the best way to start off my year?

Happy Holidays!

My Cry at Night

I cry,

Not because I have had a bad day,

I cry,

Because my dreams speak,

My heart aches,

I know I’ve hurt myself,

By having that dream,

I know I have hurt God’s Spirit in me,

My soul cries; forgive me Lord, have mercy on your servant,

Many trials come, I don’t know how to overcome this,

I pled the blood of Jesus Christ, that was shed on my behalf,

Why do some dreams disturb?

Though you say oh Lord,

“You give those you love sleep”

I know you love me,

My heart knows this well,

I pray, reveal what disturbs my sleep,

I am ready to fight,

For “You train my hands for battle to bend a bow of bronze,”

Mystery men of the night,

You who cause me no sleep,

You’ll never catch a glimpse of me again,

The Lord has covered me, under His wings I shall abide. In His Temple; I am secure,

It is finished,

Your time is up,

My cry; will be your cry.

My sorrow; will be yours to keep,

Vengeance; is yours on judgements day.

This I pray in Jesus Name.

Jesus is Here!

Read through Revelation 1 until 3

Praying

Returning to my First Love ~ God
Doing the works that I did at first when I came to the knowledge of His saving grace.

Not ceasing to pray for my Brothers and sisters and hating the works of the falsehood. Jude 1:24

Staying faithful unto death, because He is able to keep us from falling and reward us. Revelation 2:10. Jude 1:24

Jesus have mercy on my soul. Separate me from those who hold the teachings of Balaam. Revelation 2:14

Let me not tolerate the spirit of jezebel amongst me. I hold fast to your word. Revelation 2:20

Strengthen what is dead in me that you may find me alive. Sanctify me with your truth. Your word is the truth. Revelation 3:2. John 17:17

Thank you Jesus. You are faithful. Revelation 3:8

Let me be on fire for you Jesus. I don’t want to be cold. I want your light to shine so brightly in and out of me. Revelation 3:15

Jesus Christ reproves and chastens those whom He loves, be zealous and repent. Revelation 3:19

He is no longer at the door knocking but has already come in and now His mercy and love is still giving us time to repent because He loves us and wouldn’t want any to miss the partaking of His glory.

Praise God, God bless you.